I first started learning how to calm an unhappy baby when my sister was born a few days before my eighth birthday, that was thirty years ago (ack!) I can remember walking her up and down the hallway while my mom was busy making a phone call, or cooking dinner. As a teenager I babysat from age 11, often upwards of 20-30 hours a week. Late in my teen years I moved from babysitting to full time nannying. That was followed by becoming a board certified lactation consultant and working with hundreds of newborns and new families in both a private practice and hospital setting. I am back to working full time as a nanny for all my nieces and nephews, the best job ever! All that to say that I have had LOTS of experience with crying/fussing babies!
Here is what you need to know about newborns:
Newborns are used to a very tight environment - it's not like the womb is exactly spacious! This means they like to feel secure, and it feels odd to them to have room to move in the beginning.
Infants have been floating around in a tiny Jacuzzi for the last nine months, and are lulled to sleep while mom is going about her normal routine. The only time they were still was when mom was sleeping, and even then mom doesn't hold still all night long. What does this mean? It means they like movement.
So we know they like to feel secure and they like movement, what else?
Inside the womb is not a quiet place. The sound of moms heart-beat, blood whooshing, digestive sounds, and sounds from outside the womb - moms voice, music, etc.
They were also held 24 hours a day for the ENTIRE lives up until this point. If after birth you were to hold your baby for 12 straight hours, that is 12 hours less than they are used to. It is ok to not be able to put them down for a while. Their central nervous system (CNS) also tells them it is dangerous for them to be out of mom or dads arms.
This list is in no particular order, and you will find things that YOUR baby loves, or doesn't love. It is really all one big experiment about learning to know your child. If something doesn't work now it might work later on, or you might have to get creative and come up with new things for your babe.
Calming techniques:
1. Swaddle with their hands touching their face. It is OK if they scratch their face, they will heal FAST, and by tomorrow you won't be able to see the scratch. While they were in utero their hands were a source of comfort and how they made themselves feel better. If you swaddle their hands down they lose one way to comfort themselves. As they start to adjust to life outside the womb some babies will let you swaddle them hands in, and others will never be happy that way.
Swaddling also helps prevent the normal startle reflex that sometimes really freaks them out.
Here is a picture I found that shows swaddling with hands out.
2. Nurse, nurse, nurse. When you give birth your body switches from the "Growing baby" stage to the "Feeding Baby" stage. Your baby knows that their job is to initiate and increase your milk supply and to tell your body that , yes, baby is here!
Newborns have never had an empty stomach before birth. They also have to learn how to suck, swallow & breathe while eating.....it's hard work being a newborn! Never having an empty stomach along with a stomach that is the size of a small marble at birth means they need to be at breast pretty much all day long. This is ok, and normal, and will not last forever. Promise! If baby is fussing, put baby to breast, even if they "just ate". The more times baby is at breast in the first few days/weeks the more milk you will have down the road.
3. Upright. Most babies do NOT like to be in a nursing position unless they are eating. Move baby so they are tummy to your chest or tummy to your shoulder area with their heads up close to/on your shoulder. This is a much more comfortable position and one that can calm them instantly.
4. Swaying | Rocking | Walking | Bouncing | Movement
Babies do not like to hold still. Walk while bouncing baby up and down gently. Or rock back and forth, just move. Keep moving, they don't like to sit still! I have met babies who prefer on direction of movement over others, so just experiment until you find something that makes them happy! When my nephew was born bouncing made him mad, now at 9 months he loves it and finds it soothing.
5. "Shhh-ing", "Shushing" Remember I said that the womb is not a quiet place? Well newborns typically do not like silence. Don't try to be silent around them at this point. Most babies can sleep through anything in the beginning! They shhhhhh, shhhhhhhhh, shhhhhhhhh sound can be very comforting and calming. Sometimes humming also works as well. I have even used a vacuum cleaner as white noise, it's a little on the loud side but it's worth experimenting with if nothing else is working!
6. Football Hold or Colic hold. This can help calm a fussy baby, keep their bottom lower then their head and sway back and forth or walk. Bonus: You build up strong arm muscles!
7. Wearing Baby / Skin-to-skin. Babywearing has been a life saver for me over the years. There are many, many different options for baby carriers. I would recommend looking up your local, or closest, Babywearing International Group, There are online and in person options. They can help you navigate all the options and they often offer meetings to show you how to use them. Pictured below is one of my favorite baby carriers. It is called a ring sling. I have spent many, many an hour wearing a ring sling :-) Not only is baby happy, secure, and content, but you are hands free to eat, clean, shop, do laundry, just about everything.......you can do it easier with a baby carrier! (Be looking for a post just about baby wearing in the near future.) Skin to skin on mom or dad can help calm a fussy baby. Remove babys clothes, leave the diaper on, and place on your chest under your shirt so baby is skin-on-skin. Cover with a blanket (or two, depending on the room temp.) Being skin-to-skin helps your infant regulate his body temperature, as well as regulate his heart rate, respirations, blood sugar levels, and make him feel safe and secure.
8. Exercise Ball. I have only used this once, mainly because my dog has popped every exercise ball I have owned soooooo........... One of my good friends daughter would only settle, and fall asleep while being bounced on an exercise ball. **Bonus: you get a good leg & core workout at the same time!**
Something like this, only put the weights down and pick up the baby. Feet wide apart for stability, and bounce. If you feel unstable then stop and choose a different soothing technique to try.
9. Singing. My nephew stops crying the second you start singing "Jesus Loves Me", one of my nieces loves "If You're Happy and You Know it". The songs my mom sang to me as a child still are comforting and make me sleepy! Choose a few songs you know and sing them to your child, they love to hear your voice.
10. Deep breathing for you. Even if you can't figure out what is making your little one cry, take a few deep breaths and remember that it will be ok. If you take some deep breaths, and remember that this too will pass and that you are comforting your child just by holding them. The calmer you can be, the easier it will be to get through the crying jag. If you feel yourself loosing control and needing a break, go ahead and put baby in a safe spot and head to the bathroom or other quiet spot for a few minutes of peace and quiet and regroup.
What have you found works for your baby? What is the most unusual thing you have tried?
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